The Return to Jorrvaskr
by MsBBSue
Summary: This is in script format and it is a parody. Upon returning from retrieving the witch head, the Dragonborn returns to a rather interesting homecoming. I am terribly sorry if there are misspellings for names/places. I did the best I could do on short notice. Enjoy and, please, smile when you see fit-maybe even laugh.


**I am in no way, shape, or form associated with the Elder Scrolls series. I am not making any profit from these words and rightly so, seeing as I own nothing but my own imagination. **

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_This is in script format. Yes, I know scripts are 'forbidden' from this site and blah blah blah. Whatever. Sorry, I do not mean to sound like a spoiled little brat, but, you know what, honestly, if you don't want to read a script, don't click on one._

_In no way do I mean this parody with malice intent._

_I actually just started playing Skyrim a week ago and I think I may have found the closest thing to love I'll ever have._

_I believe it is important for a person to understand that the parodies I write are not due to some seething hatred for the original piece, but out of love (I know, corny). With this said, there are words in here that some may take offense to. I am sorry for that. _

_Just know you have been forewarned._

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The Dragonborn approaches the steps of Jorrvaskr as three bodies lie out on the hill. Torvar and Aela stand before the bodies, Aela swinging her arms mindlessly.

Aela: These two aren't a problem anymore (referring to the two bodies below her)

Dragonborn: What happened?

Aela: These two aren't a problem anymore

Dragonborn: Uhh…

Torvar steps towards Dragonborn and shakes his head.

Torvar: The Silver Hand. They finally had the nerve to attack Jorrvaskr. We got most of them, but I think a few stragglers got out.

Aela: These two aren't a problem anymore.

Torvar: Alright Aela, time to go inside—

Aela: These two aren't a problem anymore.

Torvar: Yes… I see that. Why don't we go inside?

Aela: These two aren't a problem anymore.

Torvar looks to Dragonborn.

Torvar: Perhaps it's best you go inside without us. We'll only be a minute.

Dragonborn nods, his eyes wide with fear and confusion at the entire scene. He then enters Jorrvaskr.

Vilkas: Where have you been?

Dragonborn ponders the question for a moment. In that time, a flashback happens. Dragonborn is seen stealing a horse and then racing through the fields laughing manically and then the laughter turns more into a childish one as he rides. The song "Do You Believe in Magic," by The Lovin Spoonful begins to play while showing images of Dragonborn riding his horse, petting it, and feeding it. Suddenly, the scene goes black and the sound of a needle lifting from a record scratches and the music stops.

There is a loud holler/cry and the camera shows Dragonborn on his knees beside his stolen horse.

Dragonborn: Seymour! Why did you have to jump? Seymour, I'm so sorry! Please! Respawn if you can hear me! Seymour!

With the scene fading with Dragonborn's cries, it cuts back to him standing before Vilkas.

Dragonborn: I was out doing Kodlac's bidding of course. Headed straight back when I was finished.

Vilkas: I hope it was important, because it means you were not here to defend him.

Dragonborn furrows his brow, still not quite comprehending what is going on.

Vilkas: The Silver Hand found enough courage to attack Jorrvaskr—

Torvar: (voice is only heard) That's what I said to him outside!

Vilkas: We fought them off... The old man… Kodlak… he's dead.

Dragonborn: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

He collapses to the floor on his knees.

Dragonborn: Now he'll never be able to enter Sovngarde! Oh damn the Nine! Damn the Nine straight to oblivion! Those filthy milk-drinking Silver Hand bastards! It's all my fault! Instead of taking only one of those bloody witches' heads I took them all! (looking to Vilkas with crazy eyes) I wiped them out! And then I took my sweet ass time getting back here! (shakes head while sobbing) I even took on some butch on in a brawl before coming here...

Vilkas: They made off with all our fragments of Wuuthrad.

Dragonborn bites his knuckle and a high pitched shriek comes from him as he stifles a cry.

Vilkas: But you and I, we're going to reclaim them. We will bring the battle to their chief camp.

Dragonborn's eyebrows rise and he shakes his head rapidly.

Dragonborn: Do you really think that's a good idea? I mean… Look at this place (his hands gesture to Jorrvaskr as people lie on the floor bleeding and some tend to the wounded and mourn the dead).

Vilkas: There will be none left living to tell their stories. Only songs of Jorrvaskr will be sung.

Dragonborn: A little blood thirsty, are we?

Vilkas smiles as he lowers his chin

Dragonborn: Is it a full moon tonight?

Vilkas: We will avenge Kodlac. And they will know terror before the end.

Dragonborn nods his head slowly. He then steps towards Kodlac's body. A single tear falls from his eye as he looks around the room at the dead. He throws his head back.

Dragonborn: (In a singsong way) Looting!

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**This is basically a reenactment of what happened to me when I did this mission. It was a total shock... and I did actually steal a horse and name it Seymour (in my head, of course)... and then he died. It was so tragic.**

**Anyway, it seems to be that parodies just kind of happen in my head whilst the scenes unfold.**

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**This is not my best work, but I thought it was worth it to get it out there.**

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******Ten points to the person who find the pun that made me laugh out loud when I thought of it!**

******And, a****s always, reviews are much appreciated and always welcomed!**

**********~MsBBSue**


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